Why Me? That is the Question!
by DestanyRose
Summary: Bella just moved to Forks part of the way through her senior year. She was told she had to write a paper about apart of her life for her English final. What has she lived through and who will be there to help her throught all of this? AU/AH
1. Chapter 1

**Why Me? That is the Question!**

**AN: I want to state that I do not own the characters in this story only the story line. If for any reason the story sounds like something you have seen or read I promise you that this is based off true life events in my life. Only the names and some of the information have been changed to protect those involved. The Characters belong to Stephenie Meyer. Also please note that this story will contain rape and other adult themed ideas. This is not for anyone under 18. Please be kind this is my first fan fiction. **

**Bella just moved to Forks to live with Charlie part of the way through her senior year in high school. She was told that for English they had to write about some part of there life story and turn it in at the end of the school year for their final exam. What has she lived through that she will write about and who will be there to help her through all of this?**

**Bella's assignment will be in _italic bold_.**

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Oh, by the way my name is Isabella Swan. I prefer to go by Bella. I just moved to Forks, WA to live with my dad Charlie. I am sitting here trying to write this story for a school assignment but I don't know if I will turn it in. You know there are some things that teachers should never know about you. I have this feeling that I have to get my story out there before it's too late. Also this is my final exam for my English class so I want to get it right. We have all year to write it so we should all get great scores in my eyes. If you take our time and write the truth with true passion then there really should be no problem. With this story it will take me awhile to write it all out just because of the pain it will make me relive. Plus my life story is still going, right?

_**Why Me?**_

_**You know everyone has asked that question sometime in their life time. Well, I have been asking it everyday of my life since I was ten. I am not telling you my story for you to feel sorry for me or pity me. I want you to all learn how everything happens for a reason and we should expect it and except it.**_

_**I use to live in Phoenix, AZ with both my parents. Charlie and Renee. I don't know why for sure they split but I have a feeling it was because of what happened to me when I was ten. We lived in an ok area, but by no means the safest. Phoenix was not that bad back then like it is now but it was getting there. Both my parents worked. Charlie was at the police department. Renee was a insurance group. So I would be home alone which didn't bother me one bit. My school was just down the road so I would walk to and from school. I really didn't think twice about it.**_

_**Well one day I was walking home and five teenaged boys came up behind me right after I opened the front door. They pushed me into the house. Once inside, one locked the front door. The second one went around the house making sure everything else was locked and there was no one else home. The third one went to the phones and took them all off the hook. While the fourth and fifth ones pinned me to the wall. They told me if I screamed they would kill me.**_

Man why do I have to relive this time of my life? Why would I put my self through this again? I thought to myself. I was sitting at my small desk in my room that Charlie provided for me. I have tears running down my face and couldn't stop them. I know I have to pull myself together before Charlie gets home.

I ran into the bathroom washing my face trying to get the redness off my face and eyes. Once I was calm enough I walked down the stairs to start dinner. Charlie couldn't really cook so I told my self that I would make that part of my every day activities to help out while staying here. I really don't want to be here but since Renee moved on with her life it seemed I was holding her back.

Don't get me wrong I love my dad, but he still blames himself for what I have had to live through. Plus he feels bad that he could do nothing to have stopped. Renee would not let me have a life fearing that it would happen again so she would not have much of a life if I would have stayed. So I figured it was time for Charlie to see that I don't blame him and that he can still help protect me from the outside world.

Dinner was done right as Charlie walked in through the door. He could tell that I had been in tears, but didn't push me to open up about it. That was one thing I liked about living here. Charlie didn't ask me if I was ok every time he saw that I had been crying. Renee would push me to talk but I don't like having every thing out there like that. This essay is going to be hard enough. But I know that I need to get my story out there.

After a quiet dinner I finished the dishes and tried to make it back up the stairs. Except Charlie wanted to talk first.

"Bella, can you come here for a minute?"

"Sure Dad." I was not really wanting to talk but I know he had to get some thing off is chest.

"Bella, I know it has been hard on you having to move here part of the way through your senior year. But know if you need any thing you can ask me. I know I don't say much, but you can always come talk to me about any thing. I am here to listen and help if I can."

I didn't know what so say at first. Charlie hated talking about feelings but it was good to know he cares.

"Thanks Dad, I will keep that in mind."

"I love you Bells, I hate to see you going through this all alone."

"I love you to Dad."

I really did want him to know everything. I have a feeling I will have to tell him before I turn in my essay so he was not blindsided with all this information.

"Well Dad I am going to bed. Good night and again thank you for understanding."

With that I took a deep breath and climbed the stairs. I started to get ready for bed. The shower helped me clear my head a little knowing I was going to have to continue my story when I got back into my room.

I sat back down at my computer again to continue. After reading what I have gotten down so far and I continued to type.

_**Once they knew the house was locked and no one else was home did they make their true intention clear.**_

_**The ring leader of the group grabbed me around my arm so hard I knew I would have a bruise. Dragging me to my parents bed since it was a king size. He then told the other to grab one limb a piece. So I had a guy on each arm and leg holding me down on my parent's bed.**_

_**He then started to tear off all my clothes and didn't care if they could be used again. While doing this is asked me how old I was. I told ten. He started laughing with the others. He told me that they were going to treat me like the slut they knew I was because of how I was dressed. Also told me that if I was a good girl they wouldn't kill me, but I had to do what they told me to do.**_

_**By this point I am crying and fighting against all of them but when it is five on one and were at least five to seven years older then me what could I do. I was already starting to feel all of the bruise from them holding me down and they have just begun. **_

_**I agreed to be good and stop fighting them even though I didn't know what I was agreeing too. I just wanted them to go away and leave me alone. I told them I wouldn't tell anyone if they would just leave. I was begging them to just go and I would not tell anyone. **_

_**As soon as the leader started to undo his pants I knew then I was in real trouble. I tried to fight against the ones holding me down again but there was no use they were to strong.**_

_**He then grabbed me legs spreading them as far as he could get them to go. He pressed one finger inside of me to make sure I was ready for him. Of course you can't stop your body from responding. Once I was wet enough for him he slammed into me with no care to my body what so ever. I started to scream at the top of my lungs because of the pain that was ripping through my body. I was a virgin and I was so small compared to him. I felt like I was being ripped in two right up the middle of my body. One of them grabbed my panties and shoved it into my mouth for a gag. Once I couldn't scream any more he looked down at me with a smile. I didn't understand why he was smiling at me. He turned towards the other guys with the smile still in places while he pulled out of me. "Well I have made it into the gang guys." They all looked down to where he had just pulled out of me. There smeared across his penis was blood showing that he did in fact take my virginity. They were all smiling at me now.**_

_**Once it was proven with a quick picture he slammed bad into me over and over again. All I could think of was when would the pain stop and when would they just leave me alone. They had gotten what they wanted so why where they still there. **_

_**I don't know how long it took but of course they all had to have their turn. After the first guy finished I stopped fighting all together. There just was no point any more. I was asking God to just let them kill me so it would all me over with. I was still in pain when the last one finished, but I couldn't cry anymore there was nothing left in me. I just stopped caring all together. I would be lying to you if I told you that my body didn't react to what they had done to me. They found it entertaining that I was enjoying what was being done to me. Of course that was far from the truth.**_

_**The ring leader grabbed me off the bed and put me in the shower. He told me make sure I cleaned every part of my body so it couldn't be seen what was done. He stayed in there to make sure I did as I was told. Also to make sure I didn't make a run for it or called the cops. The others were in cleaning up my parent's bedroom so they didn't know what happened in there. **_

_**After all evidents of what happened was washed away they told me if I told anyone they would come back and do it all over again. Also they would kill my family. With that being said they left with out looking back.**_

Tears were running down my face after I finished typing this chapter out. I didn't try and stop them because I knew deep down that it was helping me heal. But again all I could think of was "why me?" Why did they pick me? How did they know I was going to be by myself? Still looking back on that day I still don't understand why they would do that to a child.

I knew I had to try and get some sleep so I wouldn't be a walking zombie tomorrow at school. I don't have any friends here and I really don't mind. I know that being the new girl would only draw attention but I don't want it. So I will try to blend in on my second day at Forks High.

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AN: I promise the other characters will come into play. Also there is more to Bella's story. I don't have a beta so if you find an errors please let me know and I will fix them. Please review.


	2. Chapter 2

**Why Me? That is the Question!**

**AN: I do not own the character in this story only the story line. Some of the facts are based off of true life events. The characters belong to Stephenie Meyer. Please note that this story contains adult themed ideas. Not for anyone under 18.**

**Bella's English story is in _bold italic._**

**Looks like I was able to post this early. I am working Chapter 3 now.**

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Chapter 2 Second Day of School

I was scared awake from the nightmare of what happened back then. This is one reason why I hate remembering what I have lived through in my short life time. Charlie knew from Renee that I frequently awake up from nightmares so I know he won't come in to check up on me. I still have a few hours before I have to leave for school so I figured I would read to help clear my mind. I have to be able to function at school so I don't stand out more then I already do.

I have a few books with me from Arizona. One of my favorite authors is Jane Austen. Renee got me a new copy of seven of her works in one because the one I owned was pretty beat up. I enjoy being able to read and place myself within the other stories to escape my real life. I really do hope that one day I will be able to find true love but I am not ready to open up to any male any time soon.

I love all of them but I figured I would start with Pride and Prejudice. I guess if I tell you the truth this one is my favorite because of Mr. Darcy. I dream of finding some one like him. Since he is not a real person I live through the story.

After reading for over an hour I figured I should get up and get ready to face the outside world. Plus I know I have to fix Charlie his breakfast before he leaves.

After putting out an oversized sweatshirt and bang pants I made my way down stairs to see Charlie sitting in the kitchen waiting for me.

"Hey Dad, what would you like for breakfast?"

He looked up and me and forced a smile on his face.

"Morning Bells, eggs will work. So how did you sleep last night?"

Why was he asking me this he knows ever well I woke up screaming?

"The usual I guess. I just wished the nightmares would stop."

"You know it doesn't hurt to talk to someone about what you are going through. They say for some people it helps them move past every thing. I know you aren't ready yet but when you are I am here for you or we can find some one that you trust." Charlie was speaking to me carefully as if he was afraid I would snap at him for suggesting me talking to someone about what I have gone through.

"Dad again thank you and I promise as soon as I am ready to talk about every thing you will be the first person to know. I just need some more time to work every thing out in my head. Right now I just need you to love me and not judge me for what has happened."

Charlie looked like he was getting ready to cry.

"Bella I love you no matter what happened. I am so sorry that you had to go through all of this and I was not able to protect you from the ugliness of the outside world. I see it every day and you should have never had to know it was out there. Maybe if I was there more I could have seen what had happened. I just hope some day you will forgive me for not being able to stop it." He was now in tears.

"Dad I never blamed you or hated you for what I have lived through. It is me that I am fighting with not blaming for every thing. I love you for all that you have done for me please remember this was not your fault just like it was not mine either. Please eat before it gets cold. I love you."

I hated seeing my father blame himself for what has happened to me. No one could have stopped it. We ate in silence which was nice because I was done talking about it for now.

As you can see Charlie thinks what happened to me seven years ago was his fault. I knew he felt that way but I thought he had gotten over it. This is why I think Charlie and Renee ended up splitting up. Renee blamed Charlie and of course he blamed himself. I could never have blamed him. He was my protector but for some reason that day God saw fit for him not to be there to stop every thing from happening.

No, in reality I still blame my self. I know it was not my fault but the guys that did this to me. It just seemed like I had to have done something for them to pick me. Again the why me question. Every day it is the same thing and the same question. I really don't think I will ever know the final answer to that question.

After Charlie finished eating he had to go in to work. He is Chief of Police here in the great town of Forks. He really has put himself into his job trying to stop this from happening to anyone else. I know that is why he goes into work every day. He will always be my great protector.

After I cleaned the kitchen I made my way to my truck to drive into school. I want to get there early so I can blend in once every one starts to arrive.

The drive is short but it allows me to clear my head again. I really wish I could just forget every thing and live like nothing has happened but that will never be my life.

I was able to get there before any one else so I sat down on one of the benches and pulled out my note book. I figured I could get some of my story down while I waited for the bell.

**_After they left I was able to find clothes that hid all of the bruises that are now starting to form. I was just so glad that they were gone while every thing that had happened to me still had sunk in yet. I knew my parents would be home soon so I had to pull my self together. They couldn't know because I didn't want to have to go through that again._**

**_I was able to make it through dinner with out them finding any thing. Mom wanted me to get to bed early because she said I looked tired. I was both mentally and physically. So I didn't fight her on it. I just wanted to go to sleep and wake up like this never happened._**

**_The next day at school every one wanted to know why I was in jeans and a long sleeve shirt. It was over 100 degrees. I was not ready for that question so I didn't answer. I didn't even think about looking out of place with what I was wearing. I just had to hide what happened. I know the bruise will go away but it was going to be a few days._**

**_I was scared to go home after school knowing I was going to be by myself but some how I made it. This was the first day that I thought about ending my life. I didn't know how anyone would want me if they knew what they did to me. I went to the kitchen and got a knife. I went back into my room to end all of the pain I was going through. _**

**_Right as I was getting ready to take the knife to my wrist my mom came home. I hid the knife under my bed. I didn't want to have to explain way I was bringing it back to the kitchen._**

**_She seemed to notice I was pulling away from her and my dad, but didn't ask. I think she thought it was something to do with school you know the normal drama of a young girl._**

**_The next few days were just like the first. I went to school then home. I would think about the knife and when I could do it. I only had to make it a few more days and then I would have time because Renee went to night school on Mondays and Wednesdays._**

**_I think everyone was starting to figure some thing was wrong because I would freak out if anyone touched me including my parents. That was why I had to end it because I didn't want to hurt them._**

**_At Sunday dinner dad was talking about some of the cases he was working at the crime lab. He was talking with Renee so I was trying to finish so I could go to my room. That was when he told Renee about this string of rapes that had been happening. They had figured out it was gang initiations for the Bloods. They had to prove they took the virginity of some girl with a picture of blood on the male part of the one whom was trying to get into the gang._**

**_I now know why it happened but still why me. _**

I stopped write because I felt people where starting to stare. I got up and walked to my first class not paying attention to where I was going when I walked right into some one.

With out looking up, "I am sorry I wasn't paying attention to where I was going are you ok?"

When they didn't answer I looked to see who I had walked into. Only to be met with a pair of green eyes looking totally shocked.

I didn't say anything else but I kept on walking. I really didn't want to talk to anyone and he was obviously fine even though he didn't say one word to me.

I was blushing bright red by the time I made it to my first class. I don't know why I was acting this way. He probably thought I was some freak anyways. I doubt he would have talked to me. Which is a good thing because the last thing I need in my life is the male race besides Charlie?

I was able to make it through the first part of the day without to many people coming up to me to talk. I really don't mind to talk with other girls, but at this age everyone is paired up so that means their boyfriends are always around.

Lunch I sat in the library just to unwind from the morning. I know I have to have my head clear for the rest of the afternoon. I missed my class after lunch yesterday because I started crying. I went to the nurse complaining of female problems so she let my teacher know where I was. I hated lying but I really didn't want to explain the reason behind the tears.

I love Biology so I was looking forward to my class after lunch. I wonder how they work the classes here. I know I will be forced with a lab partner that I may not want but that what happens when you come into a class after part of the way through a school year. I just hope for a female partner, but if not I will just deal and only speak when I have too.

The warning bell rang at that moment; so I gathered my stuff and walked towards my biology class.

I was one of the first in class so I went up toward the teacher to let him know who I was. I knew he was excepting me since I missed his class yesterday. He seemed nice enough to the point of me not being uncomfortable in his class. I really am glad that I can deal with male teachers that don't freak me out. Because you can imagine how hard it is to explain why I have to have female teachers without going in to my past. I love school so I will work with most teachers.

He told me where to sit and I would have a partner who will be able to help me catch up on anything I was behind on. I thanked him and sat down at the lab table waiting for the bell.

Right as the bell was ringing the chair next to me moved. What I saw made me blush. Those green eyes where looking right into my soul.

He sat down but still had not said a word to me which seemed odd but I was not complaining.

Once class started we were told to work with our partner to identify the objects on the slides.

I swallowed hard with that being said. This means I am going to have to talk with him and work in close proximity to him. Can I do this? He has not made any type of advancement on me so I should try and trust that he will not hurt me. This is a big step for me but I have to make it some time right?

I turned to look at him to only fine that he is staring at me again. So I took a deep breath to calm me so I can try once again to talk to him.

"Hello, my name is Bella. I am sorry for earlier when I walked into you I have a tendency to get lost in my mind. So do you want to go first?"

He blinked a few times before he smiled the most perfect smile I have seen in a long time taking my breath away.

"I am sorry my name is Edward. You just caught me of guard earlier that is why I didn't say any thing. Go ahead ladies first."

We were able to work well with each other which was nice for once. I have not felt this comfortable with a male my age since right before I moved here. He never asked personal questions just enough to work through the lab. He also didn't treat me like a new student.

It was also nice to be able to put a name with the eyes. Wait what am I saying? I have sworn of the male race they just make my life hell. I just need to remember that and only see him as my lab partner only and nothing more. I can do that I think but damn those eyes pierced right into my soul. It is like he has seen what I have been through and he knows how to react around me with out triggering the fight or flight response. I wonder if he knows what I have been through and if so how does he. That will be on my mind until I figure it out.

Once the bell rang we said our goodbyes and see you tomorrow in class. I was glad he was not trying to push himself on me like most of the male race here at this school. I like the change but it still worries me why he would know the right way to act. I have learned to listen to my inner voice when things don't seem to add up. There have been too many times that I have not paid attention to it and it has hurt me in the end. So for now we will only be lab partners and nothing more then that and if things start head the other way I will stop it before it can happen. I don't need to put my self out there like that ever again.

By this time I had made it to my English class. This is one subject I can never get too much of. I was sitting in the back of the classroom that way I can not be watched by every one in the class. Just before class started a very small pixie like girl sat next to me with a nice smile. I think I remembered her the first day but I am not for sure.

The teachers told us today we were allowed to work on our stories and if you need any help fill free to use this time to ask her or one of our classmates for help. If we were caught talk about anything outside of our stories we would end up in detentions for the rest of the week.

I pulled out my note book that I was working on this morning to continue. I tuned everyone else out and went back to my past.

**_I went to my room make plans for Monday afternoon. I had to stop all of this. You know how hard it is to hide all of the bruises in late spring early summer in Arizona. I had to protect everyone that I loved. I still blamed myself for the attack I don't care why it was done it still happened._**

**_I know now that it was not my fault but when you are ten years old you just don't see that ways._**

**_I got up and when to school with a smile on my face Monday morning. My parents thought that what ever had been bothering me was no longer. I had to let them see me happy one last time and tell them I love them because I really needed them to not stop me from doing this. It has to stop with me._**

**_When I got home no one was there like I knew it would be. I walked to my bedroom and grabbed the knife. I figured the bath tub would be the best place since it would be the easiest to clean up. So I walked into the bath tub and dragged the knife across my left arm letting the blood runs down into the tub._**

**_All of the sudden I heard the garage door opening. My mom shouldn't be home yet so why was she. She can know I was trying to kill myself. I got out of the shower and turned it on to wash the blood away. Then I ran out of the bathroom with the knife and into the kitchen. I had to make it look like I cut myself by accident in the kitchen. That would be the only way to keep every thing hidden._**

**_Right then Renee walked through the door seeing me bleeding. She ran to me to stop the bleeding. She ran my arm under water seeing how deep the cut was. She took me in to the ER where I was stitched up with 15 stitches. I made up a story to cover up what I was really doing. I think Renee was seeing through the lie but didn't call me on it._**

**_The ride home was quite which gave me time to think things through. I decided that killing my self would hurt them more then just keeping everything hidden. So I would now try and forget what they did to me._**

At this point I pulled my sweater on my left arm up rubbing were the scar still remains. It reminds me that I have control over my life and how I need to live it.

I didn't realize I had tears running down my checks. Right as I went to wipe them away I notice the girl next to me watching me. I blushed and hid my face from everyone. I could not stop the tears. I guess the girl next must have realized so she asked the teacher if we could go to the bathroom. The teacher must have seen the tear too so she let us go.

The girl grabbed my hand and led me to the closest restroom. I just could not stop them from running down my face. When the tears finally stopped I noticed the girl had held me the entire time. I smiled at her with the weakest smile.

"Hi, my name is Bella. Don't take this wrong but why did you help me? You don't even know me."

"It was no problem. My name is Alice. I noticed you need to get out of the classroom. So I just stepped up. I know we don't know each other but if you ever need any thing please don't hesitate to ask."

"Thank you Alice. Right now I am trying to work through every thing in my head, but I may just take you up on that offer. I owe you so much for getting me out of the class what can I do to help pay you back?"

"Bella, when you are ready I want to be your friend if not your best friend. I know what it like starting off at a new school. My family and I moved here two years ago. So do you think you are ready to go back to class or do you want to hang out for a little while longer?"

"You know what? I just want to go sit outside to help clear my head, but I would love for you to come along Alice. It is nice to have some one to talk with."

So Alice and I went out to the front of the school sitting at the same bench I was this morning just talking about anything. Alice never asked me why I was crying and for once I think I have found a best friend who won't judge me. I finally found some one who doesn't care if I have flaws, if I am not popular, or not pretty. She was fine with me keeping my secrets to myself. The only thing she asked was about my choice of clothes but didn't push when I would not explain my fashion style.

Alice could so easily have any friends she wanted. She is pretty, small, hyper, and fashion forward. She was able to keep me smiling during our time outside but all too soon the bell was ring say we had to go to our last class for the day.

"Alice is it ok if I get your phone number on the off chance that I need rescued again? I will understand if you don't want to." I was really stepping out with this.

"Bella I would love to give you my phone number but can I have yours too? I promise not to call you all the time and bug you."

"Thank you Alice I am glad to be able to call you me friend. You have made this move to Forks worth it. Here is my cell phone you can put your info in it."

After exchanging information I went to Gym and Alice went on her way. For the first time I was really liking Forks. I was afraid I would be alone here but for some reason Alice fell right into my life when I needed her the most. I just hope I can repay her for her kindness and getting out of class before any one else realized I was crying. Note to self don't work on your story in class no matter what.

Gym passed with little damaged done to myself. I was never one able to walk with out tripping over my own two feet.

The drive home was good because I was able to look forward to going back to school the next day. I just wished we had more classes together. Then there is biology with Edward. I need to figure him out. He some how knows but is not saying any thing. I need ask Alice if she knows any thing about Edward.

Charlie was glad to see I was walking around with my head up. Plus the smile helped also. He wanted to know why I was in a good mood. I told him that I think I have a new friend and how she helped me today.

He was so glad that I had not run away like I would have in the past. I really want to live a normal life; it is just so hard to get over every thing.

After dinner was cleaned up I figured I should type up what I wrote today and call it any early evening. I want to try and not break down again tomorrow and spend time with Alice.

I wonder what tomorrow will bring. For once I was not afraid to face school; I was looking forward to it.

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AN: So there we go. Edward and Alice have come into the story. Please let me know what you think and again if you find any error please let me know and I will fix them. If you have any question don't be afraid to ask.


	3. Chapter 3

**Why Me? That is the Question!**

**AN: I do not own the character in this story only the story line. Some of the facts are based off of true life events. The characters belong to Stephenie Meyer. Please note that this story contains adult themed ideas. Not for anyone under 18.**

**Bella's English story is in **_**bold italic**_**.**

**So this is late FF was having trouble. I am working Chapter 4 now.**

Chapter 3 Answer To Questions

For the first time in a long time I finally sleep through the night with out waking up screaming. I don't know if it is because of the change of scenery or having some one to talk with. I know Alice and I just meet but there is something about her that I feel totally comfortable.

Now my dreams were for once not about my past. They had to do with Alice and I going shopping and hanging out at the mall all day just being girls. But for some reason Edward was in my dream too. He was just the way he was in class there but not pushing into my life. It is it unsettling that he didn't make me feel afraid. Now I really have to find out more about him. I have to know how far I have to stay away for him outside of class. At least there I have the other students and the teacher to help me if things go bad.

After I got dressed for school I came down stairs with a smile on my face and for once it was not forced. Charlie seemed to notice too.

"Good morning Dad. So what do you want for breakfast?"

Good morning Bells. Do you have time to make biscuits and gravy? I am going to be late coming home and I would like to have a meal that sticks with me."

"Biscuits and gravy it is. If Alice wants to come over tonight is it ok? I know it is a school night but I would like to not be alone."

"Sure Bells. I know her family. She comes from a really good family. Matter of fact both her parents work at the hospital here in Forks. You never know when it will come in handy have an in with the locate doctors."

"Very funny Dad, I have not had any need for an ER for a long time now; I am not planning on start that again here."

"Sorry Bells, I just had to joke about it. I remember all of those time you ended up in the ER in Phoenix. I am glad you have out grown. Please don't be mad."

"It's ok Dad, I know you were only playing around. Maybe if Alice comes over tonight I will be able to learn more about her family."

"I am glad you have found some to hang out with Bella. Maybe I will be able to meet Alice another time."

It was nice that I can joke around with Charlie because I really have missed his smile and laughter. I am now curious about her family. They seem to be really nice. I mean if Charlie thinks highly of them they must be. He will tell you how he feels about everyone even if you don't want to know.

Breakfast went by really fast and it was nice to be able to sit and talk with Charlie. For once we both weren't walking on egg shells around each other.

"Well Bells breakfast was great. You sure are going to make me spoiled with all these home cooked meals. I have good day and school. Also call me when you get home and let me know if Alice was able to come over. I will see you later tonight."

"Thanks Dad. I am glad I can get you to eat more then take out and junk food. I will let you know when I get home. Have fun catching the bad guys today."

He walked out the door and I went to my room to grab my stuff to head out for school. I figured I would get there early to see I can work on more of my story. I need to get as much as I could done on the off chance that Alice can come over tonight.

I was able to get to school about 45 minutes before it should start so I sat back down at my bench with notebook in hand to continue.

**_During my ride home from the ER I decided that the gang members must have picked me because of the way I looked because that was the only thing that made sense. So what could I do to change that? I was to young for hair dye and I really didn't want to cut my hair but I think that will be my starting point. Now I just had to figure out how to tell my mom that I want to cut most of my hair off. _**

**_Once we got home Charlie was there with a worried expression. Renee was able to tell him that I slipped on the floor with the knife in my hand and some how while falling or when I hit the ground the knife cut my arm. He didn't question me falling since I did that three to four time a day. I still think Renee really knows what I tried but I was sticking to my story. So after awhile she stopped asking for the truth. I think it really hurt her that I saw no other way out but to end my life and what ever was bothering must be really big for that to be my only choice._**

**_The following week I talked to Renee about getting my hair cut. Since I am having nightmare every night my hair is knotting at the base of my neck and it takes a good 30 minutes every morning to unknot it. So she agreed it would be more practical but she would miss my long thick brown hair. I told Renee that it would grow back in time. So "operation destroy image" was in full swing. _**

**_I also decide I was going to control the only other way to change the way I looked my weight. I figured if I was fat that no one of the male race will look at me. I know it seem extreme but I would not go through that again ever._**

**_Luck was on my side for this because puberty hit at the same time so the over eating was looked past as I was going through a growth spurt. The only thing is I was slowing down on my growth. So for the next two years I tried to stay about 180 pounds which is way over weight for some one is 5' 2". The boys left me alone only to tease me about my weight which was fine by me. I was not going to complain. The only down fall with puberty was the way my body changed also. I would have been happy to stay flat as a boy in the chest area, but no God decided I was go to have curves. But I hid them under big baggy clothes as much as I could because they would have drawn attention that I didn't want._**

**_When I start seventh grade my female hormones decided that I had hidden long enough and I wanted to get boy attention. This meant that I would have to lose the weight that I was carrying around the last few years. I try just watching what I was eating and normal exercising but it just was not coming off fast enough. So I stopped eat all together. I had gotten good at hiding things from my family so I was able to get around this. Meals like dinner I would return the food or just throw it away and lunches were at school so I just saved the money my parents were given me. Breakfast was harder because everyone was in the kitchen in the mornings so I would try and take it with me to school and toss it as soon as I could. I was down to 125 pounds by the end of the school year. I was definitely getting the boys to notice me._**

**_The start of my eighth grade year I met Jacob Black. He was the first male that I let get close to me after every thing. Jacob was the first person I told every thing that I had been through also. It was so nice to be able to talk about it. It felt like was finally starting to heal from everything. He didn't judge me for trying to end my life and for what they did to me. I was really falling for him. But he was going out with my best friend so we remind friends. When he broke up with her he asked me out. I was so happy but it was short lived. We decided together it was like kissing a sibling. Which was fine with me but I was still allowed to flirt with him and not worry where it was going to lead. He enjoyed being able to flirt back just as much as I did. He really helped me give the male race another shot._**

**_For the rest of eight and ninth grade I dated a few guys but they never knew what I had been through and I was not allowing anything beyond kissing. That caused few of them to leave me but that was fine because I knew they didn't really care for me. If I ever need a shoulder to cry on or just to talk about every thing Jacob was there for me no matter what. He would leave is girlfriend just to talk with me if I needed. They all knew we were close but nothing more the friends so they didn't fight him on it._**

**_During the Christmas holiday break Jacob and I were outside talking about things that had happened to me because I was having nightmares again. The nightmares would stop once what ever was causing me to freak out was off my chest. We both didn't see Renee standing by the backdoor. She heard most of what had happened and asked if I was willing to tell her everything. Jacob said I really should it would explain a lot about why I acted the way have the last few years. _**

**_So I asked if we could go some where that Charlie would not hear us talking. She agreed. So we went for a drive and during this time I told her everything from the attack, to the suicide attempt, and image changes I made to hide from them. She asked me if I was willing to go to counseling. I was not and I didn't want Charlie to know. I knew he would blame everything on himself. Renee didn't push me because I found out she understood what I had been through. She had been raped during high school. She told me that she had an idea that I had been through something but I would not open up about and she knew she couldn't force it out. I promised her I would come to her from now on if I had any problems. _**

**_When we got home Charlie knew something was up because I was in tears. Renee told him it was a female thing and everything is ok now. He let it go for now._**

**_Renee ended up telling him what had happened but I didn't know for a few months. After Charlie was told what happened he got me into the group of kids my age that would be volunteering with the police department. I would also be learning how to protect myself. I thought it was odd that he was worried about my safety now. I figured he wanted me to know how to protect myself since I was getting ready to go into high school._**

**_This group is called the Explores. It is a group of kids around high school age that wants to go into law enforcement as a career. They have mentors that are current police officers. So Charlie figured it would get me around people my age and be in a highly controlled setting. They would do volunteer parking details, fingerprinting, fund raisers for the department, and small training exercises that would give us the idea of what the police officer's training is really like. This way we could change our minds now if it was not something we could handle. This group should be a safe place for me right? That is what Charlie believed since he knews the mentors personally and they were told to look out for me._**

**_After I started Charlie told me he got an offer that he could not turn down but the problem was it Washington state. I didn't understand why he was going by himself, but after he was gone Renee told me that she told him what had happened. Like I thought he was blaming himself for everything. Charlie was also mad because there would be no way to find out who did it and press charges against them. With no physical evident like DNA or fibers there no way to link any one to the rape plus it had been more then four years. Charlie really wanted to be able to put them in jail for hurting me but since he couldn't he felt like he failed me as a father. Plus I found out they had been fighting for awhile. This was the straw that broke the camels back. Why does it seem like everyone that knows what happened to me is blaming them selves for the rape. _**

**_I was so mad at him for lying to me about why he left but I understood because it had taken me years to adjust to what had happened to me. Now the group made since because he wanted me to be able to stop it from happening again and he was not going to be here to watch out for me._**

**_The Explores was really fun and I was able to meet people my age. I was not the only female in the group. We had squads just like they do on the police force. We had to follow dress code and conducted ourselves as adults when we were out in public. I had a few male friends in the group which was fun because I could flirt with them and they knew I was just flirting nothing more. There were two guys that showed me that they wanted to me more then friends while we were all together. But I told them that I was not planning on dating any one any time soon. They both backed off but stayed close._**

**_Just I was starting to feel live again I let the wrong man into my life._**

I was so caught up in my writing I didn't see Alice sit down across from me until she coughed to let me know she was there.

"Hey Alice, I am sorry I didn't see you sit down. This English paper is causing me to tune out everything else."

"It's ok I just sat down. So how are you doing today Bella?

"I am actually doing so much better and I still have to say thank you. You saved me yesterday. I was wondering can you come over after school. Charlie has to work late and I would like to have someone to talk with? It is ok if you can't because I know this is last minute and all."

"Bella I would love to. I will just have to let my family know. They should not have any problems with me coming over. But I will let you know for sure in English if that is ok."

"Alice again you are a life saver. I hate being by myself if I can help it."

"Well we should start heading to class but I will let you know by English. What are you doing for lunch?"

"Oh, I will be in the library working on this paper. Like I said it is taking up most of my time but I will not work on it tonight so we can just have some girl time. Ok?"

"That sounds like fun but I will have to run home real fast before I come over if I don't go during lunch to pick up a few things. I will see in English, Bella."

"See you in English Alice."

My morning classes when really fast. I don't know if it is because I was looking forward to hear Alice answer or seeing Edward again. If I was honestwith myself it was to see Edward again. I was not happy with that answer. This has to stop I can't much more pain in my life.

During lunch I sat in the library editing what I wrote before school started. I really was not in the mood to add more not with having to deal with the rest of the day. If for some reason Alice couldn't come over I didn't want to freak myself out about the past. So I made it to biology early. No one else was there so I was able to talk with the teacher. He was glad to know I came from an advance biology class in Phoenix so I was not behind. He also told be Edward was just as knowledgeable so it was good we got partnered together. He now understood why we were able to complete yesterday's lab with all the right answers. He was afraid Edward had done it all.

I sat at my lab wait for class to start. I was only sitting here for just a few minutes when Edward took his seat.

"Good afternoon Edward."

"Hello Bella."

"I spoke with the teacher a few minutes ago and we where the only ones to complete the lab yesterday with 100%. He also thought you did all of it. I told him I was in advance biology back at my old school."

"I am glad we are partners then. That way the work will split and I am not doing it all. I really need to get a good grade in this class for college."

"Oh, what do you want to major in if you don't mind me asking?"

"That's fine I don't mind answering. I want to go into medicine. I have not decided what I want to master in yet but as long as I can help others I will be happy. What do you want to major in college if it is ok to ask you Bella?"

"I have two dreams. The first is English; I am hoping one day to write my own books. The second is medicine also but I want to work with children that have become victims of crimes. They need a voice and someone to stand up for them."

"Wow, it sounds like you have a strong passion behind that. With that much passion I see you going far in that field. Not knowing anything about you I have a feeling you will go after both and succeed in both with as much passion you have for them."

"Thank you Edward, I see you going far in what ever field you choose."

Right then the teacher called class to order. He was explaining the plant cells which I already know so I was able to think about what Edward and I just talked about. I have never told anyone about what I wanted to do with my life. My parents just assumed I was going after an English major with my love for books, which is only partly right. He seemed to be walking on egg shells when he was asking me questions. I know it is just rude to ask but that doesn't stop must people. He seemed like he really care to hear my thoughts on it too. Why would he care? All he knows is just a few minor details about when I came from before here and my name. It's just weird. So I hope Alice can answer some of my questions about him tonight if she is coming over.

Class seemed to fly by way to fast and I was saying goodbye to Edward again. I was not use to the male race not hitting on me.

So I almost ran to my English class to see if Alice was there and had talked with her parents. I was the first one there so I am going to have to wait for her. I can barely sit still watching the door.

Alice saw me looking for her so she came and sat right down.

"So Bella do you think Charlie will object to me spending the night? So I wouldn't have to drive home late at night."

"Alice you mean you can come over tonight. I don't see why you can't stay the night. I will ask when I get home. I have to call him any ways. He didn't want me being alone either. So do you have to go home after school or are you coming right over?"

"I was able to go home during lunch and picked up what I needed, so we can go straight to your house. The only thing my parents ask if there was going to be any boys around. I told them Chief Swan would not stand for that in his house so there was not going to be any males except for Chief Swan when he got home."

"That sounds like great parents and trusting. Charlie said he respected your parents greatly and he is so happy we are friends. I have to tell you; you have made the move here much easier then I thought it was going to be. So what do you want to eat and do tonight?"

"Anything for food I really don't care. As for what to do I will have to think about that. What were you thinking about doing since studying is out of the question?"

"Movie, food, and girl talk. I have so many questions I want to ask you but it will have to wait."

Right then the bell rang for class to start. In classes we went over from of Shakespeare's greatest works. We will be studying his work for the next few weeks. I am going to love this class. But right now I really want school to be over with so Alice and I can hang out. I so need to get some answers I just hope she can answer them.

When the bell rang Alice told be she would meet me at my truck so she could follow me to my house. Now all I have to do is survive gym. In Phoenix gym was only required through tenth grade and if you chose not to part take in sports you didn't have to continue. Oh well, I at least have something to look forward to after class so I would keep that happy thought.

By the end of class coach had bench me. My new job for now will be score keeping. I will have to learn each sport but will not have to play. I think the guy's name was Mike but anyways he took a beating all because of me. I would not be surprised if he doesn't have a black eye. I swung at the tennis ball missing it completely but I didn't see Mike step up behind me to catch it if I missed and the racket hit him right in the face. I felt so bad but the coach would not listen when I tried to tell him it was not a good idea. So I will no longer be dreading gym but I will have to apologize to Mike tomorrow.

After I changed I sped walked to my truck. I was trying to leave before the whole school new what happened to Mike. The only problem with that is Lauren was in my gym class and she has the biggest mouth in school. So everyone pretty much knew I whacked Mike.

Like Alice promised she was waiting by my truck. I could tell she wanted to hear what happened from me.

"Alice, can we talk about what happened once we get to my house I promise to tell you every thing?" I was blushing so bad I just wanted to hide. Thankfully she understood.

"Sure Bella just lead the way."

I jumped into my truck and made it out of the school parking lot in one piece. I noticed Alice was driving a new car. There were only two new cars in the parking lot. I am not surprised since both of her parents worked at the hospital. I wonder who drove the other one? Just one more question to ask Alice.

Alice was able to follow me to my house.

"Hey Bella can you help me bring some of my stuff inside?"

"Sure Alice, what can I help you will?"

Right then I walked up to the back seat of her car and there was so much stuff I was beginning to wonder if she was just moving in with me and not just spending one night.

"Alice what is all this stuff? I mean don't get me wrong it looks like you are moving in not staying one night."

"Bella I figured out what I want to do tonight. Since it is a girl's night how about makeovers?"

"Alice do you really think I need a makeover? Never mind don't answer that since you brought all of this with you. I will tell you it has been a few years since I have done any of this."

"Bella I promise nothing major. You are pretty already I'm just going to help show you how to play up your beauty."

"Thank you Alice. I think tonight will be a step in the right direction. Let me show you my room and then I will call Charlie."

With my help Alice was able to get every thing into my room. She started to set up everything while I went down stairs to call Charlie.

"Charlie it is me Bella."

"Hey Bells, how was school today?"

"As if you don't already know what I did to poor Mike Newton, Dad. But Alice will be here with me tonight but can she spend the night? Her parents would prefer she did drive home to late tonight. Her parents are fine with it as long as we have no boys over."

"Bella that is fine. I am glad because I would be worried too. I have no idea when I will be able to get out of here anyways. You two have fun and I agree no boys."

"Very funny the only boy I know I just gave him a black eye I am sure he will not be coming around me any time soon. I love you Dad. Be safe please. Bye."

"I love you too Bella. Tell Alice thank you for me and I will meet her in the morning if you two are already asleep by the time a get home. Bye."

I walked up stairs to my room to see it had been changed into a mini salon. It is amazing she was able to do all of this during that short call to Charlie.

"Alice, are you sure you brought enough stuff with you?"

"Bella this doesn't even count for an eighth of want I left at my house. I am looking into fashion as my major in college so I started collecting early. Besides I need all of this to do our makeovers. So are you ready for Bella Barbie?"

"Alice I am only agreeing to this because I trust you but please don't make me look like Barbie blonde is not my color at all. Plus it will drop my IQ. Oh, Charlie said it was fine with staying the night he was glad because he didn't want you driving home later tonight either. So where do you start?"

"Bella I am going to have to see what I am starting with so do you mind changing into a pair of shorts and tank top. It will help me see where to start. I promise no pictures or comments, but if for some reason things are said tonight nothing will leave this room. I enjoy having your friendship to much to ruin it. Please you have to dish on what you did to Mike anyways."

"Alice, remember I am new to this so take it easy. As for shorts and tank top I don't own any."

"Bella you came from the Valley of the Sun and you don't have those items. I think I have some thing that will fit and will do just as good."

"Alice I don't like showing off my body to the world so that is why I don't own anything like that. Please try and keep that in mind with this makeover."

"I understand and I will work within those limits but you have to trust me with the final outcome. So I heard Mike has a black eye and the new girl is the cause, so spill."

While I changed into the stuff Alice gave me I told her how gym when down. She was laughing by the end. Some how I get that Mike may have got what he deserved from the way Alice was acting. Then I remember that I had questions I want to ask her.

"Alice do you mind telling me about your parents? Charlie speaks so highly about them. I will tell you about my mom since I am sure you know a lot about Charlie already."

"Well as you know both my parents work at the hospital. My dad's name is Carlisle Cullen. He is head of the board of the hospital and chief surgeon. So he is always in and out being on call all the time. My mom's name is Esme Cullen. She is the head psychologist and she runs an outreach group for rape victims. She really tries to reach out to the younger ones that don't have any support because they know no different. She was a victim herself before she met Carlisle. Everyone in her group has every number that Esme has so if at any time they need to talk to someone she will be right there. She has left during family dinner and holidays to help these girls. She is a blessing to each one of them. I can understand why people in the community look up to them, hell even I do. Bella what's wrong you look as pale as a ghost?"

"Alice I have to meet your mom soon if that is ok with you. I know someone that may need her help."

"Sure Bella, here is one of her cards and I will put her personal phone numbers down too. Esme is really sweet let your friend know that she will do anything with in her power to help her. Are you sure you are ok?"

"Yes, Alice I am fine this information will help me friend out greatly. Now my next question for you do you know anything about this really good looking Edward with green eyes that is in our grade level?"

"Edward that is 6'2", green eyes, bronze hair that looks like he just woke up, and nicely built; that Edward?"

"That sounds like the one he is my lab partner in biology. What do you know about him?"

"Bella, he is my brother."

**AN: So did you guess Edward was her brother? It always seems they work out the way in these stories. How about her parents? How do you think they will play out in this story? I do promise the others are coming. What about Bella's paper for English? This is so much more to it. When the story come to an end you will fully understand why Bella is the way she is now.**

**Please let me know what you think and if you check anything that is wrong I will fix it. Sorry I do not have a beta. I want to thank ****Sendmeonmyway for her reviews and I would recommend her stories. My Favorite Accident is awesome. Please check them out when you get a chance.**

**Also thank you to all of you that have read this story if you like it please let other know it out here.**

**Also if you or someone you know has been a victim of rape; please help them seek help even if it is just you listening to what happened. Talking some times helps and it is one way to help with the healing and dealing process. Just be there for them.**


	4. Chapter 4

**Why Me? That is the Question!**

**AN: I do not own the character in this story only the story line. Some of the facts are based off of true life events. The characters belong to Stephenie Meyer. Please note that this story contains adult themed ideas. Not for anyone under 18.**

**Bella's English story is in **_**bold italic**_**.**

**I know this is getting out late but I had other things come up. The next update will be as soon as can finish it. I can't promise when it will be out I am sorry.**

* * *

Chapter 4

"What are you talking about Alice? You look nothing alike so I know you are not twins."

"Bella the other thing my parents did was to adopt Edward and me when we were both really young. Bella you look like you are seeing a ghost again. What has he done to you that I don't know about?"

"He has not done any thing to me it just hard to explain right now. Just let him know if he asked about me that I only want to be lab partners and nothing else. I don't think it will come up but please do this for me. I promise I will explain everything when I can."

"Bella that is not a problem, but can you please stop turning so white so I can get your makeup the right color along with the coloring for your clothes when you go shopping this weekend."

"Alice I can afford a bunch of new clothes and I will not let you buy them for me either. You have been too good to me already."

"Please Bella just a few new outfits. I promise not to go over board just it has been to long since I have had anyone to go shopping with outside of Edward and Jasper."

"Alice who is Jasper, this is the first time I have heard of him?"

"I am so sorry Bella is he my boyfriend. His name is Jasper Whitlock. He is college already majoring in History. I only get to see him on holidays if I am lucky but we talk every day. I have a picture if you want to see it?"

"Sure Alice I would love too. Wow he is a looker you better hold on to him."

"Trust me I know and it doesn't help he has a southern drawl too. I had to beat the girls off of him last year but I trust him even if he is in college."

"So what school is he going to since you only get to see him on holidays?"

"He is attending University of Texas in Austin, TX. He wanted to be close to family but he hates being this far from me."

"So are you going to join him next year when you graduate?"

"We are planning on it but I will have to be willing to give up my family to be with him. I don't know if I am ready for that just yet. Jasper told me that he will wait even if it has to be five years down the road. He is just so perfect. But I have at least six to seven months to make up my mind. Oh, you have to meet him when he comes up for Christmas. He will be staying at my parent's home during the holidays."

"Your parents are let your boyfriend sleep under the same roof as you. Wow they must trust him a great deal. I would love to meet Jasper when he comes up. So what do you want to study after you graduate?"

"I thought you would have figured that one out by now. I want to go into fashion. My dream is to have my own line of clothes and make up. But I am willing to work any where in the fashion industry just to get my foot in the door."

"So Bella have you figured out what you will be studying next year?"

"I have two areas I want to study. The first in English; I really want to write my own book some day but I will more and likely teach it. The second is something in the medical field to help children who have become victims of crime. Maybe I can talk to your mom about it. What Esme does maybe the way I will want to go."

"She would love that. She feels that children that have been victimized need some one to stand up for them and show them the way. You will love her when you meet her and I think she will love you too. So I think blues are your color for clothes, but for make up natural is much better on you. You have a great figure. Why do you hide it under all of these clothes?"

"I will look forward to meeting your mom. I agree on the color blue and the make up too. I have never been one for bold colors for make up I think it makes some people look like clowns. As for my clothes I have reasons."

"Okay I won't push. Thank you for letting me have my fun with this make over. I think we should get some sleep so we don't fall asleep in class. Plus Charlie may let me spend the night more often."

"Kissing up to my dad already, I love it. I really enjoyed the girl talk; with Charlie it is hard and my mom and I really aren't talking right now."

"I am sorry to hear about that. I am here to listen any time you want to talk that for sure."

"Good night Alice and thank you."

"Good night Bella."

Alice woke me up way before I really wanted to get up. It seemed like she had already had three cups of coffee. Where does she get all of that energy? After we were both ready for school I made my way down to the kitchen to make breakfast.

"Good morning Dad; I would like for you to meet Alice. Alice this is my dad, Charlie"

"Good morning girls. Thank you so much Alice for staying with Bella last night. You are welcome in this house when ever you like."

"Thank you Mr. Swan. I just love being around Bella it's nice to have a best friend."

"Please Alice call me Charlie or Dad. Mr. Swan makes me feel old. So Bells what is for breakfast?"

"I was thinking pancakes and bacon. Is that okay with both of you?"

"Sure I love pancakes. I didn't know you loved to cook Bella."

"Pancakes work for me to Bells."

"Alice there is still a lot about me you don't know yet, but yes I love to cook. Do you want to help?"

"Love too, what do you need?"

Once everyone was filled Alice and I said good bye to Charlie as we head out for school. I took my truck and Alice took her car. It was odd not having someone to talk too. We made to school with about five minutes before the bell should ring.

"So Bella what are you do at lunch today?"

"I was thinking about going to the library to work on my paper so more why?"

"If you change your mind come find me in the cafeteria. If not I will see you class."

"I will think about it, if I don't I will see you class Alice. Thank you."

I really want to be able to spend time with Alice but I am afraid her brother will be there and I am not ready to face him more then in class if I can help it. I still can't believe they are siblings. Plus I need time to call Esme without others around. So it looks like lunch alone once again.

The morning classes went by faster then I wanted them too, but I think it is more fear then anything. I was taking a big leap by wanting to talk to someone outside my family about my past. Am I ready? That is the true question.

I figured the library would not be a good place to make a phone call so I walked back out to my truck and got it. It was cold but no one was around to hear me so I could talk freely I hope.

I took the card out that Alice gave me the night before and dial her office number. It rang twice when someone picked up.

"Good Afternoon thank you for calling Esme Cullen's office how can I help you today?"

In a whispered voice, "Hi, I would like to make an appointment to see Esme."

"Sure that won't be a problem. Would this afternoon work she has a cancellation around 4PM?"

"That time works for me but I will need directions I am new to this area."

Once I was given directions to her office and confirmed the appointment I set off to the library to work on my paper. It looks like I will not have time again this afternoon after school.

The library is quite just the way I like it. I sat down at the table in the back of the library and pulled out my notebook.

**_During the summer between ninth and tenth grade the Explores had a trip planned for California. I had to beg both my parents to let me go. Even though Charlie didn't live with us any more he was still very protective of me. Once he talked with the mentors he agreed since I would not be the only female. Renee was harder because she saw who was all going. In the end I won over Renee and I was able to go. The trip to California had three main stops for us. First was Six Flags, I really didn't want go but it is apart of the trip. Rollercoaster do not help my balance problem. The second stop is La Jolla beach; I was really looking forward to this day. The final stop is Disneyland; I love Disney and it will be the first time going without my parents so it should be fun._**

**_As the trip was approaching Tommy was asking me if I would hang out with him while we were in California. He was like a brother I never had but he really liked me. Every event that we did together we were always attached at the hip. He also knew that I was not ready for any type of relationship. Although everyone in the group tagged us as boyfriend/girlfriend. I had to make sure Officer Mitch knew that he was only a friend and nothing more because he would tell Charlie for sure. In the end I told Tommy I would be happy to hang out with him during the trip._**

**_On the drive from Phoenix to California I sat in the back of the van with Tommy. We talked most of the way and at some point I fell asleep on his shoulder. When I woke up I was wrapped up in Tommy's arms. He looked down out me with a smile. When I sat up he grabbed my hand and held it the rest of the drive. It felt nice but he has to know I see him as brother and that is it._**

**_The next day was Six Flags. We were told to stay in groups and to meet at certain area and times through out the day. Outside of that we could go as we please. So my group was Tommy, Sarah, Shawn, and me. It was nice having one of the other girls with me but I know she really likes Shawn. So I knew she was going to be hanging off of him most of the day. _**

**_We all went are own ways and of course the guys wanted to go on the biggest and fastest roller coaster in the park. As we started to walk up to it I started to panic. I really hate roller coasters. Tommy noticed I was starting to slow down and looked at looked like I had seen a ghost or was going to be sick. He grabbed me hand and pulled me over to the side. "Bella are you ok?" He asked when he had me sitting on a bench just outside of the area of where the line starts. _**

_"**Tommy, I really don't like roller coaster because I have a fear of heights."**_

_"**Bella, I promise nothing will happen and I will not let go of you the whole ride how about that?"**_

_"**Tommy, thank you. You know you will have to do that for all of the rides if you want me to go, right?"**_

_"**Bella, I have no problem with that so let's go join the group in line ok?"**_

**_So with that being said we joined the others in line waiting our turn to ride. Right as we made it to the front of the line Tommy grabbed my hand and holding true to his promise he never let go._**

**_Tommy was right by my side the whole day which was comforting but I was feeling he was reading into much more then that. I did have a great time with Tommy but it was like having my brother protecting me. I knew I was going to have to set him straight tonight during dinner that night._**

**_While we were all out to dinner I asked Tommy if I could talk to him outside alone. I really didn't want to whole group to know what we were talking about. He agreed so we both went outside to sit on the bench outside of the restaurant. This way the mentors could still see us but could not here what was being said._**

_"**Tommy, I really had a great day today. I want to thank you for helping me with my fear of heights. I really don't think I would have gone on any rides today. Now with that being said I have a feeling that you really like me. I know we have talked about this before but you have to understand that I only see you as my brother and nothing more. Please don't get me wrong you are a great guy but I am not looking for any type of relationship right now. Please tell me you understand and that we can still be friends because I really don't want to have to lose you as a friend over this?"**_

_"**Bella, I can't help what I feel towards you. You are a great girl and I really enjoy spending time with you. This is the first time we have been able to spend this much time together and not have to worry about the mentors watching us every step of the way. I really thought that was what was holding you back but I guess I was wrong. Bella I really don't want to lose your friendship either, but I will have to step back for now because I am to close. Please understand."**_

_"**Tommy I understand completely. When you are ready just let me know ok. And again thank you for helping me today it really help me enjoy today. I will miss being around you until then."**_

**_We both walked back into the restaurant and sat back down. Shawn and Sarah were both looking at us wanting to ask what was going on but didn't because of everyone else. I was thankful because I really didn't want to talk about._**

**_When we got to the hotel we were staying at Sarah jumped on me as soon as the mentor left our room. She wanted to know everything. After she would not drop it for more then an hour I told her everything that happened with Tommy. She understood and told me everything would work out in time. I told her that tomorrow when we are at the beach she didn't need to hang around me she should spend it will Shawn. She really didn't want to leave me alone but I told her I needed to be alone. After awhile she backed off and agreed._**

**_After breakfast we were all driven down to the coast. Just like at Six Flags we had set times we had to meet and was told we had to stay in groups again. Sarah looked at me and I nodded. It was to tell her that I was going to be close but not with the group. Thankfully they wanted to climb down the side of the pier to look at the tide pools so it allowed me to stay up top. _**

**_I really love the ocean. Beaches make me so relaxed and at peace. The way the waves crashing into the beaches and pull away with the tide. It like it is pulling all the bad stuff away leaving everything clean and new. I was wishing my life was that easy to clear away all the bad stuff. _**

**_So after I reach the end of the pier I sat down just looking out into the ocean getting lost in my thoughts. This was one of the few times that I have been alone is a really long time so I was able to release a lot of emotions that had been building up._**

**_I was so lost in my thoughts I didn't hear John walk up behind me and sat down next to me. John looked over at me and noticed I was crying. He seemed so concerned and worried. I told him that it was nothing, but he knew that I was lying to him. John asked me if it was ok if he could just hug me to show that everything was ok and I didn't need to be crying. So I agreed to let him hug me. I know John has a girlfriend so I was not afraid and he was safe. He just held me until I finally stopped crying. He was perfect; he never pushed me into telling him what was wrong. I felt like I owed it to him. So I ask John if he really wanted to know what was wrong. John reply to me was only if you really want to tell me. By now I felt like I could trust him. He was a true gentleman, so I thought._**

**_I began by telling him that I was not wanted and never could be wanted by any man. This confused him but he let me go on. I was damaged beyond repair. I push away everyone that ever cared about me and no one could ever love me since I was damaged. He stopped me and asked why I felt this way. He told me that I am beautiful, good looking and nice why would no one want you. Also what about Tommy you two seemed great together. _**

**_I was looking at him while he said all of this. His eyes seemed to change at the end when he mentioned Tommy. This was odd I thought, but pushed it away. I told him he didn't want to know. But he in return told me that if I change my mind he would be here. At this a put my head on his shoulder and started to cry. I would not ever tell him why because he is already taken and why would he want someone who is damaged anyways. He just held me again and not saying a word. _**

**_After everything he has done for me in these last few moments how could I not tell him. So after sitting back up I looked back into his eyes and saw that they were filled with nothing but love. I told him that I will tell you but if at any time you wished to get up and leave I would understand. With that I told him everything holding nothing back. He just watched me while I explained every thing and he just held me. Never once did he show any signs that he was discussed with me. John told me to remember that is was never my fault for what happened and never forget it. _**

**_That was when he noticed me rubbing my left forearm. He gently grabbed my hand away and noticed the scar. He was shocked and asked if I had caused the scar. With this I started to cry all over again. He just wrapped his arms around me pulling me into a tight hug telling me everything is going to be ok and he didn't think any less of me for what I did. I just cried until I couldn't cry anymore. At that moment he looked into my eyes and he kissed me._**

**_I pulled away and dropped my head into my hands. Why me? He is taken, so why did he just kiss me?_**

**_As if he knew what I was thinking he pulled my chin up so I was looking right into his brown eyes. _**

_"**Bella, I have liked you since the first day I meet you. You never once looked at me in that way so I didn't say or do anything. I don't care for you any less now then when I first saw you. I would do anything to make you happy and to see you smile all the time. Me and Laura are over this was time for me to think about it but now that I have you I don't need to think about it any more."**_

**_My jaw dropped at this. I had not told him I wanted to be with him or that I ever liked him. Why would he want me of all people?_**

**_He leaned in and kissed my again, but this time I didn't push him away but kissed him back. All I could do was ask why? He just smiled and held me has we watched the sun set over the ocean. When we had to leave he helped me up and we walked back hand in hand. Tommy was not pleased because he had seen John and I kiss; so he didn't talk to me the rest of the trip._**

**_The next day we were at Disneyland. John and I were always together joined at the hip and whole day. He made sure I always had a smile on my face and I was happy. We talked and had a great time. We were able to learn that we had a lot in common. We rode every ride together and shared every meal. I was really happy for the first time in a really long time. The whole drive back we were together. He made me feel safe; like no one would ever hurt me again._**

Unfortunately the bell rang. So I jumped up and shoving everything into my backpack. I knew I was going to have to sprint to make it on time to class. I really need to pay more attention to the time next time.

I made it to class just as the bell was ring. I was flushed and out of breath when I sat down next to Edward. He just looked over at me and smiled. Class was more note taking again which meant I would not be able to talk with Edward. I really want to learn about his game. But at the same time I don't want to give him the idea that I want to hang around him either. I was so lost in my thought so I missed most of the class.

"Bella if you need to borrow my notes just let me know. I noticed you didn't take very many today."

"Thank you Edward I will let you know."

With that I made a dash out of the classroom. I was looking forward to seeing Alice again. To see if she said anything to Edward and to let her know I would be busy after school today.

As I ran into the classroom Alice was waiting for me.

"Hey Alice, sorry about lunch I had to work on my essay since I will be busy after school."

"It's ok Bella. Do you mind me asking what you are doing after school?"

"I have a doctor's appointment it's nothing to big."

"Oh, ok well if you want to get together after your appointment just give me a call."

With that being said the bell rang calling class to order. I hated lying to Alice but for right now I don't want any one knowing. But I do know I need to be able to talk to someone about what I have been through and how it is still affecting me to this day.

Again my mind was not into class and Alice noticed just like her brother.

"Bella, you know if you want to talk I am here when ever you need some one to talk too. I took really good notes so you can copy them later."

"Thank you Alice. As soon as I am ready to talk you will be one of the first people to know ok. Again thank you."

Well at least my next class will be easy now that I don't have to actually play the different sports. I really want to be able to tell Mike I am sorry even if he may be the type to deserve it.

Walking in to the gym I saw Mike talking with Jessica and Lauren. So I walked over to them.

"Mike, I am sorry about your eye. I really should have known better then even trying to swing at the ball. How is your eye by the way it looks really bad?"

"Bella, I am fine it will be healed in a few days. Would you like to hang out sometime after school to make it up to me?"

"Mike I will let you know but right now I am still trying to catch up with school work. I promise as soon as I have time we will see."

Just then Coach Clapp blew the whistle to start class. I was happy to see it go by so fast because I really am looking forward to meeting Esme. So when class ended I ran straight to my truck wanting to get to my appointment early.

The directions where easy enough to follow plus Forks isn't really that big. I got there with 30 minutes before my appointment so I sat in my truck for a few minutes calming my self down. I really hope Esme can help me or direct me down the right path. I really want my life back.

I signed in and filled out all the paperwork while waiting for my appointment. I was paying for this out of my own money but if I think this will work I will talk with Charlie to see if he can help out along with Renee. But I didn't want them to know yet. I called Charlie telling him I was going to be late getting home. He didn't ask questions which was good because I didn't know what to tell him.

Next thing I knew my name was being called to come on back.

Walking down the hall way my stomach started to feel like it was full of butterflies. I had to calm myself down if I was going to make it through this.

Esme's office was dark but calming, very welcoming. Esme was sitting behind here desk reading something when I was told to have a seat.

Esme is very good looking with a soft face that you can't tell her age, soft wavy shoulder length brown hair and the most calming eyes and welcoming smile. I felt at easy as soon as I looked into her eyes.

Esme told me about herself and what she does. She asked if I had any questions and I just shook my head no. Then she asked me to tell her why I had set the appointment.

I knew this was my time to tell everything but I wasn't ready for that.

"Esme thank you for seeing me today. I have just moved to Forks from Phoenix. I am sure you have heard a lot about me from your daughter Alice. But the reason I have come to you today is because I am a rape victim. I have never really told my whole story to any one but I know I really need help. I am not sleeping well and I have flash backs all the time. I felt drawn to you by just what your daughter had told me. I am not ready to open up completely but I am working on it. Plus I am writing my story for my English essay for school. I really want to have my life back since it has been over 7 years since it was my own. I really hope you can help me. Would you be willing to help me?"

Esme sat there for a few moments taking in every thing that I said. I was glad she didn't just answer right away it meant she was really thinking about it.

"Bella, I am glad you came to see me today. I think I will be able to help you but you have to be willing to open up and face it head on. I know it will be hard and I will be here for you. I also think you would do great in our support group we have. We have several girls your age in the group now and they all are working through their past just like you. You may find it helpful seeing you are not the only one going through this. What would you think about joining the group?"

"I think the group would be helpful but do I have to open up right away about everything? Also is everything in group kept secret because I am not ready for the whole world to know my story yet?"

"Yes, Bella everything talked about in group is kept a secret and trust me you are not the only one who doesn't want the world to know what has happened to them. As for opening up you don't have to open up the first day but I would like for you share some of your story within the first five group meetings. Would you be willing to do that?"

"I can work with that I think. What is it going to cost to be able to do all of this? For today I am paying but if I am going to be doing this long term I am going to be asking my parents for help. I really don't care about the cost to get better I just need the information to take to my family."

"The only time you will have to pay is when we have these one on one meeting here at my office. The group meetings there is no charge since the meetings are done at my house. Here is a break down of the cost so you can take it home with you."

"Thank you Esme. So when is the next group meeting?"

"The next meeting will be Sunday afternoon."

"I will really look forward to meeting the group. What about your family will they be able to see who comes and goes from the meetings?"

"No, the room we meet at is not attached to the main house and can't be seen by the main house either. As for my family they understand that many people in the group don't want to be known so they don't come around. If they need me we have an intercom. I take it Alice doesn't know and I know it is hard to open up to your friends."

"No I have not told Alice but I think she has an idea. She is a great friend and I do plan on telling her everything when I am ready. It will be nice to have someone to talk to about it when it is bothering me. Well I should get going and thank you for your time. I will see you Sunday."

"Bella it was great meeting you too. I think this will help you grow past your past and move on to your future."

With that I left the office feeling so much better. The drive home was easy and I was able to get dinner ready just before Charlie got home. After dinner we sat down and I told him where I was today. He seemed shocked that I would take that step but was grateful I wanted to get better. He was going to help me out covering the cost and would talk with Renee about it too. For once I felt like I was getting my life back I just hope it stays that way.

I really am looking forward to the group meeting and who knows I may open up sooner then I think.

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Also thank you to all of you that have read this story if you like it please let other know it out here. Please let me know what you think or if there need to be any changes. Again I am sorry it took me so long to get this chapter up. I am working on the fifth chapter now so I hope to have it up soon.

**Also if you or someone you know has been a victim of rape; please help them seek help even if it is just you listening to what happened. Talking some times helps and it is one way to help with the healing and dealing process. Just be there for them.**


	5. Auther Note Sorry

I hate author notes but I just wanted to let you all know that are following my story I have not given up on it. Life has been crazy but long story short had to deal with a deployed husband than when he came home found out we were moving. We had the joys and fun moving to a new post. After getting here my laptop crashed with most of my work on it. I have been writing it again but with the holidays it maybe after the new year before I post. The only good thing that has come with the move is I am close to my family for the first time in 9 years. I will finish the story I promise. Thank you for all of you that have read my story and enjoyed it. Please don't review to this chapter I will be replacing it with the real chapter.


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